Saturday 18 March 2017

French Three-Quarter Doesn't Live To See Victory

 Fédération Française de Rugby have confirmed that centre Lucien Beset sadly passed away while waiting for a scoring pass near the end of the 6N2017 France v Wales fixture, at the age of 86.

The Welsh Rugby Union has passed its condolences on to their French counterparts, in a statement delivered to Le Monde this evening, via carrier pigeon.

France won the match 20-18 after many decades of struggle, in a tense - if depopulated - finale which saw Dan Biggar in the sin-bin, Jamie Roberts retiring to take up golf, and Alun-Wyn Jones and Luke Charteris moved into sheltered accommodation.

Referee Wayne Barnes - who is now reckoned to have missed out on at least half of his retirement - refused to award France a penalty try despite Wales conceding 107 scrum penalties in the "red zone", instead stopping the match at fortnightly intervals to allow ground staff to mow the grass between the 5m- and try-lines. Insisting that France "must score properly", Barnes was content to spend the remainder of his career watching successive generations of French three-quarters batter fruitlessly against the Welsh defence. Finally, in the late afternoon of March 18th 2017, the last Welsh defenders finally succumbed to their advancing years leaving No8 Damien Chouly no option but to stumble over the line with the ball, thus ending the match.

Sadly, it was too late for Beset, who did not live to share his teammates' glory. Thankfully he also avoided the late controversy surrounding one of France's substitutions, when scrum-half Baptiste Serin was replaced by his grandson Phillipe, in apparent contravention of tournament rules. Wales are understood to have until midnight on December 31st 2050 to lodge a formal complaint, although this organ understands that they are still awaiting the return of the pigeon before proceeding.