French Three-Quarter Doesn't Live To See Victory

 Fédération Française de Rugby have confirmed that centre Lucien Beset sadly passed away while waiting for a scoring pass near the end of the 6N2017 France v Wales fixture, at the age of 86.

The Welsh Rugby Union has passed its condolences on to their French counterparts, in a statement delivered to Le Monde this evening, via carrier pigeon.

France won the match 20-18 after many decades of struggle, in a tense - if depopulated - finale which saw Dan Biggar in the sin-bin, Jamie Roberts retiring to take up golf, and Alun-Wyn Jones and Luke Charteris moved into sheltered accommodation.

Referee Wayne Barnes - who is now reckoned to have missed out on at least half of his retirement - refused to award France a penalty try despite Wales conceding 107 scrum penalties in the "red zone", instead stopping the match at fortnightly intervals to allow ground staff to mow the grass between the 5m- and try-lines. Insisting that France "must score properly", Barnes was content to spend the remainder of his career watching successive generations of French three-quarters batter fruitlessly against the Welsh defence. Finally, in the late afternoon of March 18th 2017, the last Welsh defenders finally succumbed to their advancing years leaving No8 Damien Chouly no option but to stumble over the line with the ball, thus ending the match.

Sadly, it was too late for Beset, who did not live to share his teammates' glory. Thankfully he also avoided the late controversy surrounding one of France's substitutions, when scrum-half Baptiste Serin was replaced by his grandson Phillipe, in apparent contravention of tournament rules. Wales are understood to have until midnight on December 31st 2050 to lodge a formal complaint, although this organ understands that they are still awaiting the return of the pigeon before proceeding.

Magic Similies

30 years ago, Rosie Vela sang a lovely song with some nonsense words in it, and everyone was confused...

Nowadays, of course, we all realize that she was archly predicting the rise to power of the new Head Coach of French Rugby, Guy Novès. Two matches played in this year's Six Nations; two wins. After several seasons of seeming more disorganized than a mummification ritual in a Bontempi factory, France might just be back.

Or not. That's France, of course. In truth, they were horribly unconvincing in scraping past Italy, and lucky to face an Ireland side ultimately eviscerated by injuries. Winning becomes a habit, though, or so we're told.

That's good, then, because Wales have won this fixture four times in a row now and conceded just one try in the process. Brice Dulin's score in Paris last year remains the only one scored by a Frenchman against Wales in 400 minutes of trying.¹ The selection of the trusted Lydiate/Warburton/Faletau back row suggests that Wales' efforts will be focused on maintaining such intransigence.

The worry is that the French shackles may finally be off for real. It's proven a groundless worry before, in all honesty. But it's still there. We've been dying to see you, Baby. Just, perhaps not tonight, okay..? Merci!


1 They didn't get one in the RWC11 semi, either. Had to get that one in!

Sour Grapes

A third Grand Chelem in a decade is not to be sniffed at, and France were this season's best Six Nations team by a distance.

Are you ready for the "But..."?

But... Gods, they were boring! Controlled aggression in Scotland, followed by a clinical demolition of Ireland in Paris, seemed to show a ruthless streak allied to their usual flair; and if that flair had seemed rather subdued this time... well, that wouldn't last, right?

Wrong. France proceeded to strangle a Wales side that played 100% of the rugby on display, winning with interceptions and penalty goals. Mightily impressive once more, but - whisper it - a bit dull? Where was the élan? Where was the gallic swagger? Well, we got some at last - against Italy. Big deal. Finally, a previously timid and directionless England side stepped up for the slaughter in Paris. Surely this was the cue for the show to finally start?

...12-10?!?!

England - Martin Johnson's England, for Pete's sake - showed all the ambition, all the passion, and scored the only try of the game, a peach from New White Hope Ben Foden. France scored one scruffy drop-goal and three penalties. England won the second half 3-0.

Even from an armchair in Swansea - a vantage from which watching England lose never seems to get old - it felt like one final English push upfield, ending the French party with a Wilko special, would have been no more than natural justice.

We rightly praise teams for pragmatism; for knowing the right time to concentrate on playing rugby, and the right time to focus on stopping the opposition from doing likewise. But we could frankly do without teams who choose safety first, second and third. France had a license to cut loose against an England side who, for all their bravery, could not possibly have resisted them had they done so. They chose not to do so. No, it wasn't England forcing France back into their shells - they withdrew there of their own accord. Always in complete control, they deliberately opted for negativity.

Congratulations, France. But shame on you, too.

The Late Show

And on the bill this evening; Modern Blues.

They may be new names to some of you, ladies & gentlemen, but don't let that worry you - they are mostly new names to each other, as well.

What on Earth Monsieur Lievremont is playing at this time is a question for drama critics as much as for sports pundits. A fly-half who has never played there before, a winger shifted to full-back, and an uncapped centre pre-packaged with a poor disciplinary record, as part of a centre pairing who have only played together once, in training...

If it was anyone other than France, one could simply blow a dismissive raspberry and talk about Wales' margin of victory.

But it isn't anyone other than France. Wales wore the unfamiliar mantle of the favourite at home against England impressively enough, but now they must carry that title forward onto the field at Stade de France. It was a first in twenty years against the English, but Wales going to Paris as favourites hasn't happened for an even longer time.

Thankfully, the powder keg is almost entirely anhydrous. The return of Shane Williams to the wing, and Gavin Henson on the replacements bench, gives Wales pretty much a full deck of cards to play behind the scrum. Things look a little sparer up front, with Luke Charteris and Dafydd Jones seeming rather light cover for a pack that must contain Harinordoquoy, Ouedrago, Dusutoir and Chabal...

Whoever wins this one will have achieved something special. Wales must find, if not a new dimension, then at least the occisional wild vector if the failings exposed by England are not to haunt them again. France must simply find each other.

Grand, Or Just Good?

So, it's 18 points, then. If Wales lose by 19, it stands to reason that they'll be behind France on tries (11 each at present), so 18 is the magic number. Surely a Shaun Edwards-coached side can't leak that badly?

It's kind of a shame that the Six Nations scoring system allows for such a potential anticlimax; once before (1994) Wales lifted the trophy after losing the final game, and there's nothing like it for turning a triumph into an embarrassment. By any rational analysis, winning this tournament would be (dare we say "has been"?) a remarkable feat of resurrection from the cold ashes of RWC2007; but it won't feel that way if Wales lose the game by the odd score tomorrow.

Ah well; all the more reason to go out and beat France, I suppose. But how annoying that they seem to have brought their real team this time. Rotten spoilsports!

Scrappy New Year

The Celtic League has not, it would be fair to say, had a great Christmas. The standard of Rugby over the holidays was consistently dire, with the Welsh regions major offenders.

This week, the Ospreys' second-string once again gave fans more to cheer than the firsts have managed of late - ultimately leaving the RDS empty-handed, but having performed creditably against a full-strength Leinster outfit. The Blues, meanwhile, were outdone at water polo by Edinburgh - and you have to say that Phil Godman's 35m drop-goal, off that quagmire, was a thing of wonder and a worthy matchwinner. That it should have come to that, however, is simply unacceptable. It was left to the Dragons again to provide Welsh cheer; a valuable away win in Glasgow confirming them as our best performers of the holiday period.

Elsewhere, sad to note that superfrog Christophe Dominici has retired from international rugby. One of the game's true characters, his heady mix of the sublime (shredding the All Blacks in RWC99) and ridiculous (remember his comedy in-goal fumble against Italy?) will certainly be missed. Bon chance, boyo!